Woke up with all the thoughts in my head. I was sad yesterday night for no particular reason, or at least I thought there was no particular reason. Well the reason was larger than I realized it yesterday.
I am genuinely sad right now. And cannot even hold it together. The weather outside reminds me of September 2009 in Budapest – two years ago. Oh my Dog, how happy I was at that time. The happiness was almost feasible – when you can almost touch it. I was extremely happy to be in a new town in Europe, to start the new academic year, partying with my old friends from Vlad. And I felt I was loved. And I was loved indeed – my special someone called me every day from far away and asked how I was doing. I had my good friends around and the city was pretty and friendly.
Time has passed and I lost some friends and that special someone. Many things faded away but the true friend stayed. I remember how we went walking and talking one sunny afternoon. We were taking pictures and talking nonsense. I will never forget how you helped me to survive all my drama later on, how u could come over and make pancakes for me just because I was depressed. How much fun we had smoking and drinking Hungarian wine and Dreher beer, sitting in the passage way of my flat, being drunk and all the euphoria with Sophie’s cupcakes or pel’meni.
I will always remember Madrid and Vienna, how we went there in our rigid search of whatever. I will not forget our last party in Budapest in a bar and me crying in my typical manner. How you told me you’re my friend no matter what. I was scared we would eventually stop talking on skype – how it often happens. But we are surviving this, you’re still one of my closest persons in this world.
I was supposed to be in Nantes two days ago. We were supposed to meet there, but I am still here and you’re in France. I miss you endlessly…